99 Problems: Superstars Have Bad Days Too Read online

  99 Problems

  Superstars Have Bad Days, Too

  written and illustrated by

  ALI GRAHAM

  Workman Publishing • New York

  Introduction

  We’ve all got problems—you, me, your friends and neighbors, even that guy you’re silently cursing for cutting you off on the highway . . .

  Ranging from minor annoyances to full-blown catastrophes, problems have been part of life since the dawn of time. The dinosaurs had that pesky meteor, the Trojans had that bothersome wooden horse, and right now you can’t decide whether you want to read this book or watch hilarious cat videos. (Both worthy endeavors.)

  They say that if you’re lucky, you can count your problems on one hand. But someone—was it Shakespeare?—also observed, “Mo’ money, mo’ problems.” It’s a sentiment as true now as it has been since currency was invented. No matter how much fame, fortune, and success you may have, problems are unavoidable.

  The song “99 Problems” covers this very subject, and it inspired me to start a Tumblr where I could explore the problems a certain top hip-hop artist might face, in contrast to the problems of everyday people. I started looking to the rest of this superstar’s body of work for further inspiration, and after 99 days I had 99 illustrations. You will find some of those originals, along with some brand-new pieces, here in this book.

  And that brings us to right now. You may have heard of one particular man who endured more sticky situations than there are hours in a day, and faced more dilemmas than there are squares on a checkerboard. This is his story.

  PROBLEM #1

  CAN’T GET DIRT OFF SHOULDER

  PROBLEM #2

  WHERE BROOKLYN AT?

  PROBLEM #3

  FRIEND REQUEST FROM GRANDMA

  PROBLEM #4

  NOTHING RHYMES WITH ORANGE

  PROBLEM #5

  OUT OF TOILET PAPER

  PROBLEM #6

  HARD TO FOLLOW THE BLUEPRINT

  PROBLEM #7

  ROLLEY DON’T

  TICKTOCK

  PROBLEM #8

  ONE LAST TIME, I NEED YOU TO ROAR

  PROBLEM #9

  I’M NOT LOVING IT

  PROBLEM #10

  APPETITE FOR BRAINS

  PROBLEM #11

  SHE’S A SURVIVOR

  PROBLEM #12

  DIGGERS IN PARIS

  PROBLEM #13

  ZIPPER’S DOWN

  PROBLEM #14

  BROKEN UMBRELLA (ELLA ELLA)

  PROBLEM #15

  MOVING SNOWFLAKES

  PROBLEM #16

  SOAP IN THE EYE

  PROBLEM #17

  LOW BATTERY

  PROBLEM #18

  HARD-KNOCK LIFE

  PROBLEM #19

  STEPPED IN GUM

  PROBLEM #20

  BAD BATCH

  PROBLEM #21

  UNIMAGINATIVE

  BRANDING

  PROBLEM #22

  POISON APPLES

  PROBLEM #23

  ON THE RUN

  PROBLEM #24

  PICASSO BABY

  PROBLEM #25

  FINDING THE END OF A TAPE ROLL

  PROBLEM #26

  FEAR OF FLYING

  PROBLEM #27

  BEARD ENVY

  PROBLEM #28

  AUTO-TUNE

  PROBLEM #29

  BAD HAIR DAY

  PROBLEM #30

  POOR TABLE SERVICE

  PROBLEM #31

  NO TIME FOR

  ADVENTURES

  PROBLEM #32

  MY ONLY OPPONENT (THE MIRROR)

  PROBLEM #33

  BAD LUCK

  PROBLEM #34

  SCREAMING YOU LOVE ME LOUD

  PROBLEM #35

  BAD TAILORING

  PROBLEM #36

  RED WEDDING

  PROBLEM #37

  DEAD PRESIDENTS

  PROBLEM #38

  NUMBERS DON’T LIE

  PROBLEM #39

  SCARY DREAMS

  PROBLEM #40

  paper cuts

  PROBLEM #41

  TOO EASY TO FIND

  PROBLEM #42

  I WANT TO BE FOREVER YOUNG

  PROBLEM #43

  I’M ABOUT TO GO HAM

  PROBLEM #44

  GRILLS, GRILLS, GRILLS

  PROBLEM #45

  AIN’T GOT NO PUDDING

  PROBLEM #46

  RADIO DON’T PLAY MY HITS

  PROBLEM #47

  CAN’T WEAR SKINNY JEANS

  PROBLEM #48

  UNHAPPY

  PROBLEM #49

  PIRACY

  PROBLEM #50

  POWER’S OUT (ALL BLACK EVERYTHING)

  PROBLEM #51

  BLOOD STAINS THE COLOSSEUM DOORS

  PROBLEM #52

  CAN’T BRING THE FUTURE BACK

  PROBLEM #53

  OIL SPILLS

  PROBLEM #54

  HOW DO YOU TIE A BOW TIE?

  PROBLEM #55

  IT’S YOUR BUOY

  PROBLEM #56

  SANDWICH SHORT OF A PICNIC

  PROBLEM #57

  WASPS

  PROBLEM #58

  FRESH TO DEATH

  PROBLEM #59

  ALLERGIES

  PROBLEM #60

  LOST KEYS

  PROBLEM #61

  BLUE IV

  PROBLEM #62

  EMBARRASSING PASSPORT PHOTO

  PROBLEM #63

  BIG PIMPLES

  PROBLEM #64

  MAROONED

  PROBLEM #65

  EXTERMINATORS

  PROBLEM #66

  DROPPED ICE CREAM

  PROBLEM #67

  THAT SHEET CRAY

  PROBLEM #68

  HASHTAGS

  PROBLEM #69

  I’M KILLING THIS ICE

  PROBLEM #70

  GOING TO JAIL

  PROBLEM #71

  TOO MANY HOES

  PROBLEM #72

  IDIOT WIND

  PROBLEM #73

  IT’S ABOUT TO GO DOWN

  PROBLEM #74

  OFF MILK

  PROBLEM #75

  CAN’T CRACK YOUR CODE

  PROBLEM #76

  DISC NOT IN ITS CASE

  PROBLEM #77

  DRUNK IN GLOVES

  PROBLEM #78

  ROOM FULL OF VULTURES

  PROBLEM #79

  BALL SO HARD

  PROBLEM #80

  HOLD YOUR APPLAUSE

  PROBLEM #81

  NO SYMPATHY FOR THE KING

  PROBLEM #82

  CUP RUNNETH OVER

  PROBLEM #83

  WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

  PROBLEM #84

  GOT AN OUTLAW CHICK

  PROBLEM #85

  SHOTS SPRAYED

  PROBLEM #86

  STUBBED TOE

  PROBLEM #87

  GOT A BROKE CLOCK

  PROBLEM #88

  HUSTLER BABY

  PROBLEM #89

  LIFE FINDS A WAY

  PROBLEM #90

  TRICKY CROSSWORD

  PROBLEM #91

  GOT WEEDS EVERYWHERE

  PROBLEM #92

  FLOW UNEARTHLY

  PROBLEM #93

  INTERRUPTIONS

  PROBLEM #94

  FED’S STILL LURKING

  PROBLEM #95

  S
MELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT

  PROBLEM #96

  BRAIN FREEZE

  PROBLEM #97

  TOO MUCH TO WATCH

  PROBLEM #98

  EXPECTATIONS

  PROBLEM #99

  WHAT MORE CAN I SAY?

  Ali Graham is an illustrator, filmmaker, and designer whose company, GrArG Media, provides visual marketing solutions to companies including Bobbi Brown, Estée Lauder, Michael Kors, Tommy Hilfiger, Pfizer, and others. He lives in Hastings, in the U.K., and online at grarg.com.

  Copyright © 2015 by Ali Graham

  All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced—mechanically, electronically, or by any other means, including photocopying—without written permission of the publisher. Published simultaneously in Canada by Thomas Allen & Son Limited.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

  ISBN 978-0-7611-8425-6

  This book is neither endorsed nor sponsored by any performer.

  Workman Publishing Company, Inc.

  225 Varick Street

  New York, NY 10014-4381

  workman.com

  CONTENTS

  Introduction

  PROBLEM #1

  PROBLEM #2

  PROBLEM #3

  PROBLEM #4

  PROBLEM #5

  PROBLEM #6

  PROBLEM #7

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  PROBLEM #11

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  PROBLEM #71

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  PROBLEM #96

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  PROBLEM #98

  PROBLEM #99

  About Ali Graham

 

 

  Ali Graham, 99 Problems: Superstars Have Bad Days, Too

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