99 Problems: Superstars Have Bad Days Too
99 Problems
Superstars Have Bad Days, Too
written and illustrated by
ALI GRAHAM
Workman Publishing • New York
Introduction
We’ve all got problems—you, me, your friends and neighbors, even that guy you’re silently cursing for cutting you off on the highway . . .
Ranging from minor annoyances to full-blown catastrophes, problems have been part of life since the dawn of time. The dinosaurs had that pesky meteor, the Trojans had that bothersome wooden horse, and right now you can’t decide whether you want to read this book or watch hilarious cat videos. (Both worthy endeavors.)
They say that if you’re lucky, you can count your problems on one hand. But someone—was it Shakespeare?—also observed, “Mo’ money, mo’ problems.” It’s a sentiment as true now as it has been since currency was invented. No matter how much fame, fortune, and success you may have, problems are unavoidable.
The song “99 Problems” covers this very subject, and it inspired me to start a Tumblr where I could explore the problems a certain top hip-hop artist might face, in contrast to the problems of everyday people. I started looking to the rest of this superstar’s body of work for further inspiration, and after 99 days I had 99 illustrations. You will find some of those originals, along with some brand-new pieces, here in this book.
And that brings us to right now. You may have heard of one particular man who endured more sticky situations than there are hours in a day, and faced more dilemmas than there are squares on a checkerboard. This is his story.
PROBLEM #1
CAN’T GET DIRT OFF SHOULDER
PROBLEM #2
WHERE BROOKLYN AT?
PROBLEM #3
FRIEND REQUEST FROM GRANDMA
PROBLEM #4
NOTHING RHYMES WITH ORANGE
PROBLEM #5
OUT OF TOILET PAPER
PROBLEM #6
HARD TO FOLLOW THE BLUEPRINT
PROBLEM #7
ROLLEY DON’T
TICKTOCK
PROBLEM #8
ONE LAST TIME, I NEED YOU TO ROAR
PROBLEM #9
I’M NOT LOVING IT
PROBLEM #10
APPETITE FOR BRAINS
PROBLEM #11
SHE’S A SURVIVOR
PROBLEM #12
DIGGERS IN PARIS
PROBLEM #13
ZIPPER’S DOWN
PROBLEM #14
BROKEN UMBRELLA (ELLA ELLA)
PROBLEM #15
MOVING SNOWFLAKES
PROBLEM #16
SOAP IN THE EYE
PROBLEM #17
LOW BATTERY
PROBLEM #18
HARD-KNOCK LIFE
PROBLEM #19
STEPPED IN GUM
PROBLEM #20
BAD BATCH
PROBLEM #21
UNIMAGINATIVE
BRANDING
PROBLEM #22
POISON APPLES
PROBLEM #23
ON THE RUN
PROBLEM #24
PICASSO BABY
PROBLEM #25
FINDING THE END OF A TAPE ROLL
PROBLEM #26
FEAR OF FLYING
PROBLEM #27
BEARD ENVY
PROBLEM #28
AUTO-TUNE
PROBLEM #29
BAD HAIR DAY
PROBLEM #30
POOR TABLE SERVICE
PROBLEM #31
NO TIME FOR
ADVENTURES
PROBLEM #32
MY ONLY OPPONENT (THE MIRROR)
PROBLEM #33
BAD LUCK
PROBLEM #34
SCREAMING YOU LOVE ME LOUD
PROBLEM #35
BAD TAILORING
PROBLEM #36
RED WEDDING
PROBLEM #37
DEAD PRESIDENTS
PROBLEM #38
NUMBERS DON’T LIE
PROBLEM #39
SCARY DREAMS
PROBLEM #40
paper cuts
PROBLEM #41
TOO EASY TO FIND
PROBLEM #42
I WANT TO BE FOREVER YOUNG
PROBLEM #43
I’M ABOUT TO GO HAM
PROBLEM #44
GRILLS, GRILLS, GRILLS
PROBLEM #45
AIN’T GOT NO PUDDING
PROBLEM #46
RADIO DON’T PLAY MY HITS
PROBLEM #47
CAN’T WEAR SKINNY JEANS
PROBLEM #48
UNHAPPY
PROBLEM #49
PIRACY
PROBLEM #50
POWER’S OUT (ALL BLACK EVERYTHING)
PROBLEM #51
BLOOD STAINS THE COLOSSEUM DOORS
PROBLEM #52
CAN’T BRING THE FUTURE BACK
PROBLEM #53
OIL SPILLS
PROBLEM #54
HOW DO YOU TIE A BOW TIE?
PROBLEM #55
IT’S YOUR BUOY
PROBLEM #56
SANDWICH SHORT OF A PICNIC
PROBLEM #57
WASPS
PROBLEM #58
FRESH TO DEATH
PROBLEM #59
ALLERGIES
PROBLEM #60
LOST KEYS
PROBLEM #61
BLUE IV
PROBLEM #62
EMBARRASSING PASSPORT PHOTO
PROBLEM #63
BIG PIMPLES
PROBLEM #64
MAROONED
PROBLEM #65
EXTERMINATORS
PROBLEM #66
DROPPED ICE CREAM
PROBLEM #67
THAT SHEET CRAY
PROBLEM #68
HASHTAGS
PROBLEM #69
I’M KILLING THIS ICE
PROBLEM #70
GOING TO JAIL
PROBLEM #71
TOO MANY HOES
PROBLEM #72
IDIOT WIND
PROBLEM #73
IT’S ABOUT TO GO DOWN
PROBLEM #74
OFF MILK
PROBLEM #75
CAN’T CRACK YOUR CODE
PROBLEM #76
DISC NOT IN ITS CASE
PROBLEM #77
DRUNK IN GLOVES
PROBLEM #78
ROOM FULL OF VULTURES
PROBLEM #79
BALL SO HARD
PROBLEM #80
HOLD YOUR APPLAUSE
PROBLEM #81
NO SYMPATHY FOR THE KING
PROBLEM #82
CUP RUNNETH OVER
PROBLEM #83
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
PROBLEM #84
GOT AN OUTLAW CHICK
PROBLEM #85
SHOTS SPRAYED
PROBLEM #86
STUBBED TOE
PROBLEM #87
GOT A BROKE CLOCK
PROBLEM #88
HUSTLER BABY
PROBLEM #89
LIFE FINDS A WAY
PROBLEM #90
TRICKY CROSSWORD
PROBLEM #91
GOT WEEDS EVERYWHERE
PROBLEM #92
FLOW UNEARTHLY
PROBLEM #93
INTERRUPTIONS
PROBLEM #94
FED’S STILL LURKING
PROBLEM #95
S
MELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT
PROBLEM #96
BRAIN FREEZE
PROBLEM #97
TOO MUCH TO WATCH
PROBLEM #98
EXPECTATIONS
PROBLEM #99
WHAT MORE CAN I SAY?
Ali Graham is an illustrator, filmmaker, and designer whose company, GrArG Media, provides visual marketing solutions to companies including Bobbi Brown, Estée Lauder, Michael Kors, Tommy Hilfiger, Pfizer, and others. He lives in Hastings, in the U.K., and online at grarg.com.
Copyright © 2015 by Ali Graham
All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced—mechanically, electronically, or by any other means, including photocopying—without written permission of the publisher. Published simultaneously in Canada by Thomas Allen & Son Limited.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.
ISBN 978-0-7611-8425-6
This book is neither endorsed nor sponsored by any performer.
Workman Publishing Company, Inc.
225 Varick Street
New York, NY 10014-4381
workman.com
CONTENTS
Introduction
PROBLEM #1
PROBLEM #2
PROBLEM #3
PROBLEM #4
PROBLEM #5
PROBLEM #6
PROBLEM #7
PROBLEM #8
PROBLEM #9
PROBLEM #10
PROBLEM #11
PROBLEM #12
PROBLEM #13
PROBLEM #14
PROBLEM #15
PROBLEM #16
PROBLEM #17
PROBLEM #18
PROBLEM #19
PROBLEM #20
PROBLEM #21
PROBLEM #22
PROBLEM #23
PROBLEM #24
PROBLEM #25
PROBLEM #26
PROBLEM #27
PROBLEM #28
PROBLEM #29
PROBLEM #30
PROBLEM #31
PROBLEM #32
PROBLEM #33
PROBLEM #34
PROBLEM #35
PROBLEM #36
PROBLEM #37
PROBLEM #38
PROBLEM #39
PROBLEM #40
PROBLEM #41
PROBLEM #42
PROBLEM #43
PROBLEM #44
PROBLEM #45
PROBLEM #46
PROBLEM #47
PROBLEM #48
PROBLEM #49
PROBLEM #50
PROBLEM #51
PROBLEM #52
PROBLEM #53
PROBLEM #54
PROBLEM #55
PROBLEM #56
PROBLEM #57
PROBLEM #58
PROBLEM #59
PROBLEM #60
PROBLEM #61
PROBLEM #62
PROBLEM #63
PROBLEM #64
PROBLEM #65
PROBLEM #66
PROBLEM #67
PROBLEM #68
PROBLEM #69
PROBLEM #70
PROBLEM #71
PROBLEM #72
PROBLEM #73
PROBLEM #74
PROBLEM #75
PROBLEM #76
PROBLEM #77
PROBLEM #78
PROBLEM #79
PROBLEM #80
PROBLEM #81
PROBLEM #82
PROBLEM #83
PROBLEM #84
PROBLEM #85
PROBLEM #86
PROBLEM #87
PROBLEM #88
PROBLEM #89
PROBLEM #90
PROBLEM #91
PROBLEM #92
PROBLEM #93
PROBLEM #94
PROBLEM #95
PROBLEM #96
PROBLEM #97
PROBLEM #98
PROBLEM #99
About Ali Graham
Ali Graham, 99 Problems: Superstars Have Bad Days, Too
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